When I was little I always thought my grandparents would be around forever and as I grew up (even though I knew it was impossible) I never let go of that thought. I think it's a way we comfort ourselves, at least it's what I do.
Growing up I was always really close to my grandparents, everyone was pretty close to my grandparents. They were the grandparents that were involved in all aspects of mine and my siblings lives. They never missed anything and we all had this awesome relationship with them. They would come to every grandparents day at school and they were the community grandparents.
From the time I was little I remember laying on their living room floor coloring with the huge crayons or trying to convince grandma that the milk was curtled on our cereal and whispering to grandpa so he could take care of the situation when grandma thought we were just trying to get McDonalds for breakfast. I can't remember a holiday or birthday where they weren't there or a family dinner prayer that didn't even with "The man who eats the fastest gets the mostest"
My grandparents were the grandparents every kid should have and all of our friends got to witness just how lucky we were and they got to have a piece of that whenever they were around them.
Grandma died suddenly back in 2005 and we all saw how grandpa's heart was broken, they met when she was 16 and he was 18 and he threw tomatoes at her as she walked down the street, although when grandpa told the story he was 16, she was 18 and she threw tomatoes at home, after hearing the story a million times grandma started to believe grandpa's version of it. They were together for 63 (or some) years and spent every day together (expect when he was at war). So when we lost her in 2005 we didn't think he would survive, but then my sister got pregnant and told grandpa that they were going to name the baby after grandma and we all saw that light come back a bit, it was like she would live on.. and funny thing is my niece eneded up be just as beautiful as grandma... But grandpa came back a little, we all made sure we were there for him during the months that followed and it was hard but he made it. He did well for a few years and than his heart started to give him troubles last spring and he ended up in the hospital... he had a few complications, but he made it out of the hospital and came to a few more family holiday dinners.. he was a bit slower, but he was still the same old grandpa.. So then this past spring he got sick again and was in and out of the hospital for various reason, in the back of my mind I assumed he would be fine, even though everyone said he may not make it much longer.. He turned 89 in May and made it thru that but his health kept getting worse.. but he always seems to turn around just enough.. so a few weeks ago when they said he wasn't doing great, I figured he would bounce back... and than Monday when mom called and said they are giving grandpa his last rights you may want to come visit I figured, he'll pull thru he always does, but like always we went to see him... thank goodness for that.
So Monday I go to the nursing home and he was actually feeling pretty good, he was being so silly, (due to meds) but he actually reminded me of the grandpa I remember. he was seeing little golfers and telling us how to take them out using a golfball as a sliencer... he must have been on so good meds!! But it was almost hard to believe that he was close to the end. I think in my mind I knew he was but I didn't want to believe it. They had told us before he wouldn't last much longer, but I guess I just kept holding out... So Wednesday morning mom called to say he probably wouldn't make it thru the day.. I didn't really believe it, I just went on w/the day like nothing was wrong, so when I got a call about 2:30 that he had passed, I was almost shocked by it.. Like I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready to believe it or let go.. he was grandpa, he wasn't supposed to die...
So today we had the funeral.. I think I was the first to lose it.. I walked in and there he was, or there his body was and it just wasn't him.. It was so hard to see this man lying there and know it was over..
Once I lost it, we all sort of lost it.. it was such a hard thing to see... I know he had a great life and I know he is in a better place, but man was it hard to see him there. Then I heard his brother say something and it sounded just like him and I turned expecting it to be him and it wasn't and reality really hit.. he would never be around anymore...I think one of the situation that upset me a lot (and I feel horrible for thinking this because it's selfish) is that he is going to miss my wedding, he is one of the people I always expected to be there for my big day and it hurts to know he won't... well won't be there in body... I know he will watch over me and be there in spirt which in the end I guess is what really matters... hey we all have our selfish moments, guess that's one of mine LOL...
So I did my crying, I am still greiving (obviosuly) but I am working thru it and remembering the best things about him.. how great he was, how much he loved us, and how much he was willing to give us.. and the best thing about him is what I learned from him... Love lasts forever when it's true love. I don't think there was a minute when he wasn't in love with grandma and that's what it's all about in the end.. he loved forever and now I can take that with me. He was a great person and I don't think there is anyone who will argue with that.
With life there has to be death and even though we try to pretend those we love will be around forever we have to accept that's not reality...
So RIP grandpa Thomas, we love you and miss you already and are glad that you finally get to be with the love of your life, because in the end we know that's where you really want to be and that's where you will be the happiest for all of enturnity...
