lil update

Wow it has been such a long time since I wrote anything on here and tonight, while Patrick is asleep by 8:30 because he isn't feeling well, I figured it's a great time to write a new one!
So life has just been crazy the past few months, fast paced and non stop! But not in a bad way. We(Patrick and I) have now been in the apartment 4 going on 5 months, which means we have to start looking at houses again soon... uck. But we turned our little place into a temporary home, and really what more could we ask for! It's perfect for the two of us (plus Lucy) it'll work.
We had a FANTASTIC mini vacation almost 2 months ago.. I couldn't have asked for a more amazing trip. The weather was in the upper 50's to 70's and sunny the entire time, Patrick realized how much he loves Gatlinburg and has been planning our next trip since we got back LOL. Such a perfect weekend getaway when your on a budget haha.
As soon as we got back the Holidays hit!
Thanksgiving was great with friends and family (and wine of course) We got addicted to Wii and Mario Brothers! Our family are very similar and live very close so we can easily bounce back and forth between them and make sure we get to see and spend time with everyone.
This year has just been so much fun for us because it is full of firsts and gives us a peek into what life is going to be like down the road.. well the easy version of it haha. It amazes me a little each day just how much I love him and life in general. It's exciting to see what else God has in store for me and what the next step will be. Part of me wants to rush on and see what is next while another part of me wants to step back and just enjoy what is going on around me. (the second part is more difficult to do because life happens so fast)
We just celebrated our 1st Christmas together and it couldn't have been more perfect. We(I) got up at 5:30 on Christmas morning, let him sleep until 6.. so we could open presents.. it was like I was a kid again.. than the rest of the day was spent with family and it was great. I loved being a part of his traditions and seeing what my holidays will be like in the future.. I actually got to sit back and see how excited and happy everyone was... it was just plain ol nice :-)
Santa was very good to us this year, and it couldn't have been at a better time!! I don't have much in the way of money and things, but when it comes to family and love, I have more than anyone could hope for! That probably sounds a little sappy, but tis what tis.
2010 starts on Friday and I have to ask where did the past 10 years go! Life is just so different than it was and so different (in a good way) than I ever thought it would be. When your growing up you always have a plan, at least I always did and some things have fallen into place, but I don't know if I imagined life like it is.. jsut goes to show you can't plan everything and your plan may be similar to God's but in the end you just have to sit back and enjoy the ride and let it be what it is. I tend to worry (about pretty much everything, we all have flaws) but just when I think I am going to hit rock bottom, something happens and life turns in the way that I needed it to. Nothing will ever be perfect, and I've said it before, how boring would it be if it was, but when I look at the big picture it's pretty close in my book.

I am starting to get the "when is the ring coming question" .. actaully who am I kidding we have both been getting it since like March (when Patrick decided we would get married) and you know.. I have NO CLUE LOL.. I know we love each other, I know I will marry him, and I know when it happens it happens... God knows, Patrick may have an idea, and for all I know the whole world, but me, knows... but it's not important because when it's time I'll get the memo... I hope ;-) But I do know that it's a great feeling to know that someone loves you as much as you love them and is totally in love with you.

So my little update... life is good, life stays busy, I am completely in love, and right now I wouldn't ask for anything more.

grandpa

When I was little I always thought my grandparents would be around forever and as I grew up (even though I knew it was impossible) I never let go of that thought. I think it's a way we comfort ourselves, at least it's what I do.
Growing up I was always really close to my grandparents, everyone was pretty close to my grandparents. They were the grandparents that were involved in all aspects of mine and my siblings lives. They never missed anything and we all had this awesome relationship with them. They would come to every grandparents day at school and they were the community grandparents.
From the time I was little I remember laying on their living room floor coloring with the huge crayons or trying to convince grandma that the milk was curtled on our cereal and whispering to grandpa so he could take care of the situation when grandma thought we were just trying to get McDonalds for breakfast. I can't remember a holiday or birthday where they weren't there or a family dinner prayer that didn't even with "The man who eats the fastest gets the mostest"
My grandparents were the grandparents every kid should have and all of our friends got to witness just how lucky we were and they got to have a piece of that whenever they were around them.
Grandma died suddenly back in 2005 and we all saw how grandpa's heart was broken, they met when she was 16 and he was 18 and he threw tomatoes at her as she walked down the street, although when grandpa told the story he was 16, she was 18 and she threw tomatoes at home, after hearing the story a million times grandma started to believe grandpa's version of it. They were together for 63 (or some) years and spent every day together (expect when he was at war). So when we lost her in 2005 we didn't think he would survive, but then my sister got pregnant and told grandpa that they were going to name the baby after grandma and we all saw that light come back a bit, it was like she would live on.. and funny thing is my niece eneded up be just as beautiful as grandma... But grandpa came back a little, we all made sure we were there for him during the months that followed and it was hard but he made it. He did well for a few years and than his heart started to give him troubles last spring and he ended up in the hospital... he had a few complications, but he made it out of the hospital and came to a few more family holiday dinners.. he was a bit slower, but he was still the same old grandpa.. So then this past spring he got sick again and was in and out of the hospital for various reason, in the back of my mind I assumed he would be fine, even though everyone said he may not make it much longer.. He turned 89 in May and made it thru that but his health kept getting worse.. but he always seems to turn around just enough.. so a few weeks ago when they said he wasn't doing great, I figured he would bounce back... and than Monday when mom called and said they are giving grandpa his last rights you may want to come visit I figured, he'll pull thru he always does, but like always we went to see him... thank goodness for that.
So Monday I go to the nursing home and he was actually feeling pretty good, he was being so silly, (due to meds) but he actually reminded me of the grandpa I remember. he was seeing little golfers and telling us how to take them out using a golfball as a sliencer... he must have been on so good meds!! But it was almost hard to believe that he was close to the end. I think in my mind I knew he was but I didn't want to believe it. They had told us before he wouldn't last much longer, but I guess I just kept holding out... So Wednesday morning mom called to say he probably wouldn't make it thru the day.. I didn't really believe it, I just went on w/the day like nothing was wrong, so when I got a call about 2:30 that he had passed, I was almost shocked by it.. Like I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready to believe it or let go.. he was grandpa, he wasn't supposed to die...

So today we had the funeral.. I think I was the first to lose it.. I walked in and there he was, or there his body was and it just wasn't him.. It was so hard to see this man lying there and know it was over..
Once I lost it, we all sort of lost it.. it was such a hard thing to see... I know he had a great life and I know he is in a better place, but man was it hard to see him there. Then I heard his brother say something and it sounded just like him and I turned expecting it to be him and it wasn't and reality really hit.. he would never be around anymore...I think one of the situation that upset me a lot (and I feel horrible for thinking this because it's selfish) is that he is going to miss my wedding, he is one of the people I always expected to be there for my big day and it hurts to know he won't... well won't be there in body... I know he will watch over me and be there in spirt which in the end I guess is what really matters... hey we all have our selfish moments, guess that's one of mine LOL...
So I did my crying, I am still greiving (obviosuly) but I am working thru it and remembering the best things about him.. how great he was, how much he loved us, and how much he was willing to give us.. and the best thing about him is what I learned from him... Love lasts forever when it's true love. I don't think there was a minute when he wasn't in love with grandma and that's what it's all about in the end.. he loved forever and now I can take that with me. He was a great person and I don't think there is anyone who will argue with that.
With life there has to be death and even though we try to pretend those we love will be around forever we have to accept that's not reality...
So RIP grandpa Thomas, we love you and miss you already and are glad that you finally get to be with the love of your life, because in the end we know that's where you really want to be and that's where you will be the happiest for all of enturnity...

sappy

So life is pretty much great these days.. I've always known what I wanted in life and everything finally seems to be falling into place. I have a great relationship with God, my family, and my friends. I am with an amazing man who lights up my whole life. I have a job I enjoy, and I am getting to live life the way I want to live it.

It's really great to know you have someone who loves you as much as you love them and is willing to back you up. I have always been a person who gives a 110%, especially when it comes to matters of the heart and to know I am with someone who is the same way is a great feeling. To know I can count on someone as much as they can count on me means the world it's like having the other half that makes me whole.. sounds corny, but it's a good feeling.

For a long time I felt sort of lost in life, I kept holding on to the past trying to figure out my future, but realized by holding on to the past, the future was never going to happen for me. My past has made me who I am, so I am greatful for everything that has happened in life (the good, the bad, and the ugly). Once again I will reference myself and all the cliches, everything happens for a reason.. seriously.. and sometimes you have to let someone in. They can't sweep you off your feet until you actaully let them into your heart.. but once that happens, once you open up and let them in.. your done for.. and it's the greatest feeling in the world.
I talk to my friends and family and they tell me (not that I need to hear it) but they tell me how happy I am and how they can see a positive change in me... It's a weird, yet excellent, feeling, to know what it's like to be loved as much as you love and to see that everyone else sees it too. That's when you know it's really right I think.. when it sort of sneaks up and than shines thru.
I've also learned just how important the small things are(I guess I should say I am reminded), the things I want and need in life don't cost money.. they aren't material.. to me it's the hand holding, the accepting of my dog (anyone who really know me, and Lucy, knows this is a HUGE deal), it small kisses, and when I feel like crying for no reason - giving me a hug and making me laugh, it's all the silly moments, and sitting in silence just leaning on one another.
I think I have always known what love is and I have been in love more than once, but I think it took a special person to make me realize how love should really be and what it shouldn't be.

So I am sure some of you reading this are thinking how sappy I am and how I tend to go on and on about the same topics.. but hell I am happy and I am in love.. what more can I ask for! I figure share the good feelings and thoughts!!

Little things

I've always been someone who likes and apperciates the little things in life. Big things are fine, but when it comes down to it the little things make me more happy and make me appericiate life more.
Kisses on the forehead, nose, or fingers, random "i love you"'s for no reason at all, helping out without being asked, hand holding, blocking me from flying mud/dirt ;-D, going out of the way to do things you'd rather not do, sitting on the couch watching movies, late night talks, walking the dog, sweet gestures, ice cream and brownies, singing along in the car, random kisses, playfulness, stupid emails and texts, being able to just hang out and do nothing.
Money is good, it buys you things.. but when it comes down to it money doesn't buy the little moments, it doesn't find you the people who really care about you and it can complicate things.. it helps us live, but it's the things outside of money that really matter and really make you happy.
Don't think I don't want/like/need money, but I don't focus on it, I don't let it make or break me.. I just try and be smart about it, so that I can enjoy the other blessings that god brings into my life and I can really focus on those little things I love and the people in my life who help me find that joy...

...

Life isn't about who you know, what you do, how much money you make, how you look, or what you have to offer. Life is about who you are on the inside, it's about the small important things that get over looked, it's about finding love, following God, and trying your hardest to do the right thing. It's about forgiveness and being a good person.

We run thru life, but never slow down to focus on what's going on around us. We make everything about ourselves instead of the people around us. And obviously I am generalizing and understand we aren't all selfish people, but in the end you make we make our decisions based on what will be best for us. But when you take a second and really think, feel, and listen so that we can really get a sense of who we are and who those around us are, it can really open your eyes and heart to who is really out there. We all have a story, but who has the time to listen to it. I feel like it's time to listen. Not just hear but really listen. To focus.

I think that's what God wants from us. He knows we'll never be perfect, I've said it before I'll say it again, but he wants us to focus on what's really important and what really will make a difference. But if your anything like me, your thinking who has the time. How are we supposed to stop, listen, and focus... or even slow down... when the world around us keeps going... good question, one I don't have the answer for... I'm still figuring it out and that's ok.. God doesn't always mean right this instant... but if we want to succeed in life we have to make time for the important things, whatever or whoever it may be.

I know I try to be a good person, but I can always try and be better. I mess up a lot, but I know I have God on my side. I have realized that the most over the past few years. If you let him in he will guide you... may take some time to see the results, but he is willing to wait for me, so I have to be willing to wait back.

I have so much to be grateful for. It amazes me every day the gifts God gives and has given me in the past.. I sometimes get angry w/God but in the end, when I look at the big picture, I think to myself, what did I do to make God love me this much. It's a good feeling once you accept it.

Handling it

So Things are crappy right now... Life was looking pretty good last week... but Oh we gotta love Monday's because they always bring good news right!
Oh wait...

I am always the first one to justify things with God.. whenever anything in life happens I always say, 'everything happens for a reason" "God has a plan" "God only gives us what he knows we can handle" but as soon as things affect me, I start to get all whiney and act like a baby about them. Than there is always a little kicker that makes it just a little bit worse or something that adds to my already upset/angry mood. But I guess it's time to suck it up, realize it could be worse and deal with it. Find the positive in the negative and take the next step.

It's great to know I have some awesome people in my life who will support me and back me and just listen when I want to vent.. or will take it the extra step and vent all the things I am thinking in my head (lol u know who u are ;-) )

God has a plan for me and he will lead me to the next step, it may just get a little tight along the way, but I won't fail, I won't fall... I may stumble.. but life goes on. So I will listen to my own advice, my cliche words of wisdom, suck it up and move on.
This could turn into a positive thing down the road right... lets keep our fingers crossed.

feel like writing...

Life keeps presenting itself to me in new and exciting ways. I know we are always learning, changing, and growing, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spirtually, but I guess as you get older you really see the impacts of life.

When we are young we just do. There are no conquences for our actions, not really, and life just goes by. When I was young I felt like everything happened in slow motion, I would give anything to feel like life happens in slow motion now, so that maybe we could enjoy it a little more.

I often wonder why that is, why can't life go by at a child like pace when your old enough to actually enjoy it and when does it slow back down again... I am not old by any means, so I know this feeling is going to continue and in 10 to 20 years I will be looking back thinking, only if I knew then what I know now.. total cliche, but there is a reason people say it right.

I like the changes God is making in my life and the path he is leading me down. I know there will be bumps and I know there will be times when things get crappy, but it's good now. In the past few weeks I have come to SO many realizations about who people are, who I am, and I have started changing my views on people and things. God puts everything in perspective if you give him a chance to and it's amazing... Sometimes it's the little things in life that are the best things and the things we need to wait for. Sometimes one person can say something that will really change the direction your life will go.

God has a plan for us, but he still lets us make choices and choose the exact path... but you better believe he is going to be holding our hand.

Home

So I just got back from a GREAT vacation! My life isn't crazy by any means, but I tend to keep myself busy and I was REALLY getting burnt out on working so when the roommate had an opportunity for me to tag along on a business trip I had to jump on it... especially when it took me to Florida during a week where a snow storm hit Ohio.

I am not a person who likes to be alone, I like people to be around, so this trip took me out of my comfort zone, or bubble if you will... I spent Monday - Thursday (during the day) alone and since the roommate had to work she wasn't interested in being up and out all night... so the week gave me an opportunity to just relax and think and actaully be quiet for the first time in about 23 years!
I had a lot of personal stuff that I wanted to think about and figure somethings out and that's what I did. It was so refreshing... and quiet.
Other than relaxing, thinking, and reading, I got to see the beach, the everglades, and do some other touristy things. It ended up being a really good trip. I decided to try and really let go of the past and move on to new and exciting things... again stepping out of my bubble. I even flew alone! That was huge for me!! LOL I'm a wimp!

But the trip was good, I got a fresh start today and I am hoping things continue to go in a positive direction in life! I'm excited for what the future may bring... life isn't so bad these days...
See what vacation will do for ya!!