Thoughts of Me

Roller Coaster

2011-04-02T18:30:00.000-07:00

Crazy and stressful... life has been a roller coaster the past few weeks and I am not a big fan of roller coasters. I mean the idea of them are fun and they have the exciting moments, but in the end I feel sick when I get off.

Well stress and craziness is just like that. You have the exciting and fun stuff and you have the moments where you feel like throwing up.

I like my life, I enjoy the things and people who are in it. I like the daily challenges and when it gets all shaken up, but at the end of the day I like curling up on the couch with a certain someone and not having a care in the world.

The past few weeks I feel like I haven't been enjoying life the way that I should and what its been offering has been too roller-coastery.(I'm probably just being a baby and over-sensitive) It started with a bad situation... then a few good ones... then a few disappointments, then nothing of importance, then a small complication, followed by some more good, then a little more complication... and then the waiting game. Oh the waiting game, this is where I have to wait to see if things will go back to "normal" if there will be a "new" normal or if the roller coaster isn't over.

I think sometimes I just need to vent and I start to feel better. (Thanks to those of you who have listened during this process) But when I look at the big picture, which I try to do often and try not to be a baby and suck it up. Things are pretty good.

The Good:
I have God
I have a fiancée who I am head over heels in love with, who treats me like a princess, and even when he is a big ol' pain in the butt I know I am #1 in his life (even if I pretend other-wise b/c I want to be a brat).
I have a job that pays the bills
I have a house and two dogs
I have "stuff"
I have family and friends who are supportive
I'M GETTING MARRIED IN LESS THEN A YEAR
etc...

I mean for being 27 what else can I ask for @ this point in my life... ok I could answer that w/more "things" but I think I am doing pretty good.

So I guess I just needed to type it all out so I can get over my pity-party and focus on the really good things that are happening in my life:
Two big things: Fulfilling(at least getting some kind of experience) a life long passion and marrying my best friend :-)

The Best Year To Date

2011-01-05T05:00:00.000-08:00

2010 was the best year of my life... to date.
A few months back I gave a recap since it had been so long... but I am going to do a mini recap before I get to the main part :-)

We started the year by getting Abby, she was the perfect addition to our little make-shift family. (even though she had a few moments along the way as a terror, over-all she has been a perfect dog). In April we purchased our first house, which couldn't be better for us, we absolutely love it! In September Patrick got his new job, wasn't exactly what he was looking for, but has turned out to be pretty good. And then December got here...

I'll start by saying I have been a NAG for about a year, although most of it was done in a joking manner, I am sure Patrick will vouch that I was a pain :-D I had been bringing up the whole "when will we get engaged" topic. This was a weekly(maybe a few times a week topic) And it wasn't just coming from me... It was coming from friends and family too. The poor guy was getting it from everyone we knew. BUT December 18th @ our 1st annual Christmas party I was talking to some of the girls, one who was recently married herself and went thru the same thing as me. She gave me the advice that I had been trying to follow for the past few months: STOP ASKING... it'll happen when he is ready (There was never a question of if, it was always a question of when). So I told the girls, she is right, I need to stop. They all agreed and I made a promise to drop it and let it happen when he was ready.

So for the next week, I didn't bring it up once. I was SO proud of myself. I am not very good about keeping my mouth shut, but I did! I figured I would be keeping my mouth shut for the next 3 to 7 months. Our 2 year"anniversary" falls in February, so I thought maybe it'll happen then and our birthdays are in June so that was a possibility too. I was NOT expecting Christmas.

So Christmas eve we went out w/some of our siblings, had Christmas eve church and Dinner w/his family and then the family-friends came over and we all hung out until around 12:30 on Christmas eve. I was debating on getting up @ 5 or 6 on Christmas morning (we go to his parents by 7 to open santa and family gifts after opening our own together). I decided to sleep in until 6 (which meant putting a shower on hold). So we get up and we start opening our gifts.

He kept asking me (thru November and December) how many gifts I was getting him, I gave him ball park numbers, he wanted us to be able to open the same amount. Well all of his were wrapped under the tree, so he could see how many he was getting and instead of matching up evenly he went crazy and bought me tons of stuff. We were so excited and opening gifts and having a great Christmas morning. So we finish it all up by 6:40 or 6:45 and I say ok, we should probably head to your parents. He said, we can just hang out for a bit, watching Tom and Jerry.

By 7 I am getting a little anxious because I know his family will be waiting on us. But then he tells me there is still one Christmas gift under the tree. I go and look (knowing there is nothing there) and he laughs because there is nothing there. But he insists that there is one more, so he runs upstairs looking for it, but comes down w/nothing and I don't think anything of it.

So he asks me to grab his computer, he wanted to check something out on Facebook. I am thinking are you crazy, it is 7 in the morning and you can say Merry Christmas from your phone, but I get the computer anyways. He signs onto his account and he says you have to see this. Hands me the computer and tells me to sign into my account.

So I do and I am looking and I ask what am I looking at? He said just hold on a second. He said something will change, but I have a question to ask you first... well by this point it's dawning on me... because what question would he have to ask me at 7 on Christmas morning. (Let me just say, Patrick has probably "asked" me some sort of "question" that sounds like a proposal frequently for the past 2 years. They go something like this "Melanie will you merry Christmas" or "Melanie Wilcoxon will you be my best friend" things along those lines. The difference here was he pulled a ring out of his pocket and said "Melanie will you marry me" and I am a little in shock, when you wait to hear those words for two years your reaction is shock. So I smother him in kisses and say of course I'll marry you! After asking a few times if he is serious. Then I realize he isn't on his knee and he hasn't actually put the ring on my finger. So I say honey of course I will marry you, but you still have to get on a knee and put the ring on my finger. SO he does and he gets more kisses.

It was the best Christmas of my life :-D

I proceed to call my sister (who I wake up even though she has 3 kids) and I call Lyndsey and my mom (both knew he was going to be doing this, mom knew when, Lynds just knew it was coming)

He asked my dad on Thursday, my dad said "no" as a joke and then said, sure, but told him that I told him to say no when Patrick asked. Goof-ball.
His entire family knew and were waiting on us to get there, but knew we would be running a few minutes late.

My beautiful ring is perfect. I had been sending him pictures of what I wanted and he kept those in mind, but came up with the perfect ring for me. It's a solitaire, round, with 4 diamond chips on each side. The main stone was his great aunts and was a coal-miners diamond. All I really wanted was shine and clarity and he nailed it.

So March 10th 2012 I will marry my best friend, the love of my life, and my whole future. So 2010 is a year that will always be remembered and will take a lot to top.

Happiness is a mood...

2010-11-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

"Happiness is a mood not a destination".. yes I stole this quote and from One Tree Hill of all TV shows :-) but think about it, it really makes sense and hits home. We all want happiness and strive to be happy. We look to other people, places, and things, but happiness comes from within. It can come just as quickly as it can go and sometimes the goal in life seems to be to get it back, which isn't such a bad goal. But are you able to get it back if your not truly happy with yourself first, once you find the person, place or things that you feel make you happy, will you stay happy if your not happy with yourself?

Our moods change every day and sometimes even minute to minute, but looking at the over all picture should be how you define if you really are happy or not. Put side the little things that change the day to day mood and look over your life and see how it's gone, weigh the pros and cons and that's how happiness should be defined, at least in my book. When you have a positive outlook you have a positive mood and there you've got it, happiness.

People, places, and things can have an effect on overall happiness, but you and your mood define it.

Generally

2010-11-12T06:13:00.000-08:00

We all make mistakes in life, you know when your an adult when you can pick yourself back up and change your life. You have to turn to God, grow up a little and follow your heart. Life isn't supposed to be easy, if it was things would get boring. You just have to remember you have friends and family to fall back on, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take responsibility.

I have learned that people lie, cheat, and steal to get where they want to be in life and who does that benefit in the end? It eventually all comes back to bite them in the butt. But it's never to late to change, to grow up, and to be the person you really want to be in life.

I have always believed that people are generally "good", I make them prove otherwise. It takes a lot for me to believe they are really "bad". They may be annoying, dishonest, and fake, but not "bad".

I know I judge and I know God teaches us not to judge, so maybe I am no better then anyone else. But at the end of the day I am who I am and what you see is what you get. I think God forgives, if you ask for forgiveness and believe and are truly sorry or truly want to change then God will be there for you.
I may always be judgemental to an extent and I know I will never be perfect, but I know that in the end I know whats important in life. I know people won't always agree with me and may not like what I have to say, how I feel, or what I think, but it is what it is. I think I am generally a good and forgiving person.

We all have faults and no one will ever be perfect, but we all need to strive to be "good" and live a happy and healthy life. It won't be easy, but in the end... it will be worth it.

10 months later

2010-10-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

So I haven't written since 2009, and it's October of 2010, to be honest I don't know where the past year has gone.
In January we bought a puppy together, Abby, she has been a great addition to our little "family". In February we celebrated our "one year anniversary" I sometimes feel silly celebrating "dating anniversaries" but it was a great night. Patrick got me a new camera I made him a photo book we went to dinner @ The Cheesecake factory (which was the place I realized I was falling for him, the year before). It ended up being a great night.
In March we found the house we would call our first home. We signed the papers on April 9th and started the "moving process" that night. We called all our friends who came over to help us paint the entire house. I don't think either of us will pick up a paint brush for a long time! We bought some new furniture and carpet and we moved in the following weekend. 6 months later and the place feels like home! With a lot of little touches along the way we have really started to make it ours. Our "future" projects are a fenced in back yard for the dogs, clearing out some brush to make a bigger back yard, adding a front porch, and finishing the basement. All things that won't happen for a while, but there will come a day.
My 4th nephew, Ethan David was also born in March.
Patrick was playing football for the Cincinnati Commandos, He only was able to play in a few games before he broke his arm in two places. That was great for our move, well actually it happened about a week after we moved all our stuff in.
In June we went to Virginia with the Willis clan and it was a great family vacation. I met Pat's grandparents and got to know them a little. We went to an amusement park and I rode a few roller coasters, I hadn't done that since 2001! We got to visit Jamestown, a winery, and the ocean!
Most of our summer was about running around and getting the house put together. It was a hot summer but that didn't stop us!
Patrick started a new job in September, it is a completely different field and it's a lot more physical work then before, but so far he seems to be good with it. Its made home ownership a lot easier. The downside is he has to get up @ 4:45am and goes to sleep by like 9.. but he is home by like 3. The dogs get to spend more time with him, so I am sure that is a plus for all involved!
Abby is almost a year old and a few weeks ago decided she likes to dig wholes in the kitchen and laundry room floor. Patrick got to see my floor replacement skills after that little incident. To be honest I got to figure out that I had floor replacement skills and thank God there was material left in the basement!!
The next few months will prove to be super busy. I have a wedding to attend this weekend while Patrick will be in NC for a bachelor party, we have a Halloween party coming up, our annual mini G-Burg vacation, another wedding, and then we get into Holiday season! I am excited for the start of 2011 because my work hours will change and it's going to be awesome!!!
So that's a short summary of the past 10 months. It has flow right on by and life is good. I am living with and will eventually marry (once he asks and we can start planning) my best friend. We have so much fun and I fall more in love with him every day!

The one thing I have gotten away from in the past year is church. My faith hasn't changed or faltered at all, in fact its more intact then ever, but I do miss going to church on Sunday's. My problem now is not having that church home. I still have the options that I had before, but distant is my current problem. The new house is a little further then before and I want a church to call home that is in this area and to be honest I have been lazy about it.
I know God is still a huge part of my life and affects all my decisions. So @ least I still know he is here and having a part in every day life, next step is to just find that church home again or just suck it up and drive the extra 15 to 20 minutes to go back to the churches I love. That should be an easy choice huh :-)

So anyways I need to start getting back on here more often and keeping up the "journal of my life"

lil update

2009-12-29T17:51:00.000-08:00

Wow it has been such a long time since I wrote anything on here and tonight, while Patrick is asleep by 8:30 because he isn't feeling well, I figured it's a great time to write a new one!
So life has just been crazy the past few months, fast paced and non stop! But not in a bad way. We(Patrick and I) have now been in the apartment 4 going on 5 months, which means we have to start looking at houses again soon... uck. But we turned our little place into a temporary home, and really what more could we ask for! It's perfect for the two of us (plus Lucy) it'll work.
We had a FANTASTIC mini vacation almost 2 months ago.. I couldn't have asked for a more amazing trip. The weather was in the upper 50's to 70's and sunny the entire time, Patrick realized how much he loves Gatlinburg and has been planning our next trip since we got back LOL. Such a perfect weekend getaway when your on a budget haha.
As soon as we got back the Holidays hit!
Thanksgiving was great with friends and family (and wine of course) We got addicted to Wii and Mario Brothers! Our family are very similar and live very close so we can easily bounce back and forth between them and make sure we get to see and spend time with everyone.
This year has just been so much fun for us because it is full of firsts and gives us a peek into what life is going to be like down the road.. well the easy version of it haha. It amazes me a little each day just how much I love him and life in general. It's exciting to see what else God has in store for me and what the next step will be. Part of me wants to rush on and see what is next while another part of me wants to step back and just enjoy what is going on around me. (the second part is more difficult to do because life happens so fast)
We just celebrated our 1st Christmas together and it couldn't have been more perfect. We(I) got up at 5:30 on Christmas morning, let him sleep until 6.. so we could open presents.. it was like I was a kid again.. than the rest of the day was spent with family and it was great. I loved being a part of his traditions and seeing what my holidays will be like in the future.. I actually got to sit back and see how excited and happy everyone was... it was just plain ol nice :-)
Santa was very good to us this year, and it couldn't have been at a better time!! I don't have much in the way of money and things, but when it comes to family and love, I have more than anyone could hope for! That probably sounds a little sappy, but tis what tis.
2010 starts on Friday and I have to ask where did the past 10 years go! Life is just so different than it was and so different (in a good way) than I ever thought it would be. When your growing up you always have a plan, at least I always did and some things have fallen into place, but I don't know if I imagined life like it is.. jsut goes to show you can't plan everything and your plan may be similar to God's but in the end you just have to sit back and enjoy the ride and let it be what it is. I tend to worry (about pretty much everything, we all have flaws) but just when I think I am going to hit rock bottom, something happens and life turns in the way that I needed it to. Nothing will ever be perfect, and I've said it before, how boring would it be if it was, but when I look at the big picture it's pretty close in my book.

I am starting to get the "when is the ring coming question" .. actaully who am I kidding we have both been getting it since like March (when Patrick decided we would get married) and you know.. I have NO CLUE LOL.. I know we love each other, I know I will marry him, and I know when it happens it happens... God knows, Patrick may have an idea, and for all I know the whole world, but me, knows... but it's not important because when it's time I'll get the memo... I hope ;-) But I do know that it's a great feeling to know that someone loves you as much as you love them and is totally in love with you.

So my little update... life is good, life stays busy, I am completely in love, and right now I wouldn't ask for anything more.

grandpa

2009-07-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

When I was little I always thought my grandparents would be around forever and as I grew up (even though I knew it was impossible) I never let go of that thought. I think it's a way we comfort ourselves, at least it's what I do.
Growing up I was always really close to my grandparents, everyone was pretty close to my grandparents. They were the grandparents that were involved in all aspects of mine and my siblings lives. They never missed anything and we all had this awesome relationship with them. They would come to every grandparents day at school and they were the community grandparents.
From the time I was little I remember laying on their living room floor coloring with the huge crayons or trying to convince grandma that the milk was curtled on our cereal and whispering to grandpa so he could take care of the situation when grandma thought we were just trying to get McDonalds for breakfast. I can't remember a holiday or birthday where they weren't there or a family dinner prayer that didn't even with "The man who eats the fastest gets the mostest"
My grandparents were the grandparents every kid should have and all of our friends got to witness just how lucky we were and they got to have a piece of that whenever they were around them.
Grandma died suddenly back in 2005 and we all saw how grandpa's heart was broken, they met when she was 16 and he was 18 and he threw tomatoes at her as she walked down the street, although when grandpa told the story he was 16, she was 18 and she threw tomatoes at home, after hearing the story a million times grandma started to believe grandpa's version of it. They were together for 63 (or some) years and spent every day together (expect when he was at war). So when we lost her in 2005 we didn't think he would survive, but then my sister got pregnant and told grandpa that they were going to name the baby after grandma and we all saw that light come back a bit, it was like she would live on.. and funny thing is my niece eneded up be just as beautiful as grandma... But grandpa came back a little, we all made sure we were there for him during the months that followed and it was hard but he made it. He did well for a few years and than his heart started to give him troubles last spring and he ended up in the hospital... he had a few complications, but he made it out of the hospital and came to a few more family holiday dinners.. he was a bit slower, but he was still the same old grandpa.. So then this past spring he got sick again and was in and out of the hospital for various reason, in the back of my mind I assumed he would be fine, even though everyone said he may not make it much longer.. He turned 89 in May and made it thru that but his health kept getting worse.. but he always seems to turn around just enough.. so a few weeks ago when they said he wasn't doing great, I figured he would bounce back... and than Monday when mom called and said they are giving grandpa his last rights you may want to come visit I figured, he'll pull thru he always does, but like always we went to see him... thank goodness for that.
So Monday I go to the nursing home and he was actually feeling pretty good, he was being so silly, (due to meds) but he actually reminded me of the grandpa I remember. he was seeing little golfers and telling us how to take them out using a golfball as a sliencer... he must have been on so good meds!! But it was almost hard to believe that he was close to the end. I think in my mind I knew he was but I didn't want to believe it. They had told us before he wouldn't last much longer, but I guess I just kept holding out... So Wednesday morning mom called to say he probably wouldn't make it thru the day.. I didn't really believe it, I just went on w/the day like nothing was wrong, so when I got a call about 2:30 that he had passed, I was almost shocked by it.. Like I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready to believe it or let go.. he was grandpa, he wasn't supposed to die...

So today we had the funeral.. I think I was the first to lose it.. I walked in and there he was, or there his body was and it just wasn't him.. It was so hard to see this man lying there and know it was over..
Once I lost it, we all sort of lost it.. it was such a hard thing to see... I know he had a great life and I know he is in a better place, but man was it hard to see him there. Then I heard his brother say something and it sounded just like him and I turned expecting it to be him and it wasn't and reality really hit.. he would never be around anymore...I think one of the situation that upset me a lot (and I feel horrible for thinking this because it's selfish) is that he is going to miss my wedding, he is one of the people I always expected to be there for my big day and it hurts to know he won't... well won't be there in body... I know he will watch over me and be there in spirt which in the end I guess is what really matters... hey we all have our selfish moments, guess that's one of mine LOL...
So I did my crying, I am still greiving (obviosuly) but I am working thru it and remembering the best things about him.. how great he was, how much he loved us, and how much he was willing to give us.. and the best thing about him is what I learned from him... Love lasts forever when it's true love. I don't think there was a minute when he wasn't in love with grandma and that's what it's all about in the end.. he loved forever and now I can take that with me. He was a great person and I don't think there is anyone who will argue with that.
With life there has to be death and even though we try to pretend those we love will be around forever we have to accept that's not reality...
So RIP grandpa Thomas, we love you and miss you already and are glad that you finally get to be with the love of your life, because in the end we know that's where you really want to be and that's where you will be the happiest for all of enturnity...

sappy

2009-07-05T18:47:00.000-07:00

So life is pretty much great these days.. I've always known what I wanted in life and everything finally seems to be falling into place. I have a great relationship with God, my family, and my friends. I am with an amazing man who lights up my whole life. I have a job I enjoy, and I am getting to live life the way I want to live it.

It's really great to know you have someone who loves you as much as you love them and is willing to back you up. I have always been a person who gives a 110%, especially when it comes to matters of the heart and to know I am with someone who is the same way is a great feeling. To know I can count on someone as much as they can count on me means the world it's like having the other half that makes me whole.. sounds corny, but it's a good feeling.

For a long time I felt sort of lost in life, I kept holding on to the past trying to figure out my future, but realized by holding on to the past, the future was never going to happen for me. My past has made me who I am, so I am greatful for everything that has happened in life (the good, the bad, and the ugly). Once again I will reference myself and all the cliches, everything happens for a reason.. seriously.. and sometimes you have to let someone in. They can't sweep you off your feet until you actaully let them into your heart.. but once that happens, once you open up and let them in.. your done for.. and it's the greatest feeling in the world.
I talk to my friends and family and they tell me (not that I need to hear it) but they tell me how happy I am and how they can see a positive change in me... It's a weird, yet excellent, feeling, to know what it's like to be loved as much as you love and to see that everyone else sees it too. That's when you know it's really right I think.. when it sort of sneaks up and than shines thru.
I've also learned just how important the small things are(I guess I should say I am reminded), the things I want and need in life don't cost money.. they aren't material.. to me it's the hand holding, the accepting of my dog (anyone who really know me, and Lucy, knows this is a HUGE deal), it small kisses, and when I feel like crying for no reason - giving me a hug and making me laugh, it's all the silly moments, and sitting in silence just leaning on one another.
I think I have always known what love is and I have been in love more than once, but I think it took a special person to make me realize how love should really be and what it shouldn't be.

So I am sure some of you reading this are thinking how sappy I am and how I tend to go on and on about the same topics.. but hell I am happy and I am in love.. what more can I ask for! I figure share the good feelings and thoughts!!

Little things

2009-04-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

I've always been someone who likes and apperciates the little things in life. Big things are fine, but when it comes down to it the little things make me more happy and make me appericiate life more.
Kisses on the forehead, nose, or fingers, random "i love you"'s for no reason at all, helping out without being asked, hand holding, blocking me from flying mud/dirt ;-D, going out of the way to do things you'd rather not do, sitting on the couch watching movies, late night talks, walking the dog, sweet gestures, ice cream and brownies, singing along in the car, random kisses, playfulness, stupid emails and texts, being able to just hang out and do nothing.
Money is good, it buys you things.. but when it comes down to it money doesn't buy the little moments, it doesn't find you the people who really care about you and it can complicate things.. it helps us live, but it's the things outside of money that really matter and really make you happy.
Don't think I don't want/like/need money, but I don't focus on it, I don't let it make or break me.. I just try and be smart about it, so that I can enjoy the other blessings that god brings into my life and I can really focus on those little things I love and the people in my life who help me find that joy...

...

2009-03-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

Life isn't about who you know, what you do, how much money you make, how you look, or what you have to offer. Life is about who you are on the inside, it's about the small important things that get over looked, it's about finding love, following God, and trying your hardest to do the right thing. It's about forgiveness and being a good person.

We run thru life, but never slow down to focus on what's going on around us. We make everything about ourselves instead of the people around us. And obviously I am generalizing and understand we aren't all selfish people, but in the end you make we make our decisions based on what will be best for us. But when you take a second and really think, feel, and listen so that we can really get a sense of who we are and who those around us are, it can really open your eyes and heart to who is really out there. We all have a story, but who has the time to listen to it. I feel like it's time to listen. Not just hear but really listen. To focus.

I think that's what God wants from us. He knows we'll never be perfect, I've said it before I'll say it again, but he wants us to focus on what's really important and what really will make a difference. But if your anything like me, your thinking who has the time. How are we supposed to stop, listen, and focus... or even slow down... when the world around us keeps going... good question, one I don't have the answer for... I'm still figuring it out and that's ok.. God doesn't always mean right this instant... but if we want to succeed in life we have to make time for the important things, whatever or whoever it may be.

I know I try to be a good person, but I can always try and be better. I mess up a lot, but I know I have God on my side. I have realized that the most over the past few years. If you let him in he will guide you... may take some time to see the results, but he is willing to wait for me, so I have to be willing to wait back.

I have so much to be grateful for. It amazes me every day the gifts God gives and has given me in the past.. I sometimes get angry w/God but in the end, when I look at the big picture, I think to myself, what did I do to make God love me this much. It's a good feeling once you accept it.

Handling it

2009-03-03T07:50:00.000-08:00

So Things are crappy right now... Life was looking pretty good last week... but Oh we gotta love Monday's because they always bring good news right!
Oh wait...

I am always the first one to justify things with God.. whenever anything in life happens I always say, 'everything happens for a reason" "God has a plan" "God only gives us what he knows we can handle" but as soon as things affect me, I start to get all whiney and act like a baby about them. Than there is always a little kicker that makes it just a little bit worse or something that adds to my already upset/angry mood. But I guess it's time to suck it up, realize it could be worse and deal with it. Find the positive in the negative and take the next step.

It's great to know I have some awesome people in my life who will support me and back me and just listen when I want to vent.. or will take it the extra step and vent all the things I am thinking in my head (lol u know who u are ;-) )

God has a plan for me and he will lead me to the next step, it may just get a little tight along the way, but I won't fail, I won't fall... I may stumble.. but life goes on. So I will listen to my own advice, my cliche words of wisdom, suck it up and move on.
This could turn into a positive thing down the road right... lets keep our fingers crossed.

feel like writing...

2009-02-26T13:46:00.000-08:00

Life keeps presenting itself to me in new and exciting ways. I know we are always learning, changing, and growing, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spirtually, but I guess as you get older you really see the impacts of life.

When we are young we just do. There are no conquences for our actions, not really, and life just goes by. When I was young I felt like everything happened in slow motion, I would give anything to feel like life happens in slow motion now, so that maybe we could enjoy it a little more.

I often wonder why that is, why can't life go by at a child like pace when your old enough to actually enjoy it and when does it slow back down again... I am not old by any means, so I know this feeling is going to continue and in 10 to 20 years I will be looking back thinking, only if I knew then what I know now.. total cliche, but there is a reason people say it right.

I like the changes God is making in my life and the path he is leading me down. I know there will be bumps and I know there will be times when things get crappy, but it's good now. In the past few weeks I have come to SO many realizations about who people are, who I am, and I have started changing my views on people and things. God puts everything in perspective if you give him a chance to and it's amazing... Sometimes it's the little things in life that are the best things and the things we need to wait for. Sometimes one person can say something that will really change the direction your life will go.

God has a plan for us, but he still lets us make choices and choose the exact path... but you better believe he is going to be holding our hand.

Home

2009-02-02T13:51:00.000-08:00

So I just got back from a GREAT vacation! My life isn't crazy by any means, but I tend to keep myself busy and I was REALLY getting burnt out on working so when the roommate had an opportunity for me to tag along on a business trip I had to jump on it... especially when it took me to Florida during a week where a snow storm hit Ohio.

I am not a person who likes to be alone, I like people to be around, so this trip took me out of my comfort zone, or bubble if you will... I spent Monday - Thursday (during the day) alone and since the roommate had to work she wasn't interested in being up and out all night... so the week gave me an opportunity to just relax and think and actaully be quiet for the first time in about 23 years!
I had a lot of personal stuff that I wanted to think about and figure somethings out and that's what I did. It was so refreshing... and quiet.
Other than relaxing, thinking, and reading, I got to see the beach, the everglades, and do some other touristy things. It ended up being a really good trip. I decided to try and really let go of the past and move on to new and exciting things... again stepping out of my bubble. I even flew alone! That was huge for me!! LOL I'm a wimp!

But the trip was good, I got a fresh start today and I am hoping things continue to go in a positive direction in life! I'm excited for what the future may bring... life isn't so bad these days...
See what vacation will do for ya!!

The Last Day of 2008

2008-12-31T06:37:00.000-08:00

So 2008 has come to an end and what a year it has been! I have never been a big fan of change, but so much has changed in my life in the past year, actually the past few, but I have talked about those changes before so we'll focus on the now.

I have found some really good people to call true friends this year, people who I can turn to and complain with and who will shake their heads at me, but still love me. They never judge me and they never underestimate me. The funny thing is they have been my friends for a while, but now I can look at them and realize my life would be so different if they weren't around. I have learned to trust them with everything I have. There are three in particular (you know who you are) who have made it possible for me to be where I am right now. That have helped me through tough times, even if I don't always listen. They have and continue to make a difference in my life and isn't that what it's all about...

I have formed an amazing bond with my sister and her family. When I was growing up I wanted more than anything for my sister and I to be best friends and about 10 years ago we finally started getting the bond that is both beyond sister and friends and with everything that has happened this year we have perfected that bond. I know I have helped her out a lot over the past year (past 6 months for sure) but she probably doesn't realize she has given me so much just by making me feel like I belong.
She has let me be a part of her immediate family and makes me feel like I have a role there. She has made it possible for me to bond with my niece and nephew in a way I never thought I would. She has given me a brother who I don't think of like a brother in law, but as a true brother whom I respect and love and who has become a major part of my life and family.

Then there is my older brother and his family. He led me to something I have been missing out on for maybe my whole life. I was always a Christan, I have never faltered on my beliefs, but I never really practiced what I preached. He opened doors for me that allowed me to be a part of a great Christan family and has led me to God in a whole new way. I guess my sister had a part of that two. I never thought you needed to go to a building to have God in your life and I that can be true to an extent, but when you find the right building (or buildings) and worship leaders it can change your whole perspective!

I am always learning from my family and friends trying to take the positives about them and apply them to my life and take the negatives and learn from them. I love that I have a close-nit group of people who I can love and who loves me back. I sometimes for get that, but when looking back I can see just how important they all really are.

There are a few people I didn't mention and they need to know that even though they didn't get a mini-paragraph they mean the world to me and they have had an impact on my life... so if your reading this don't think that I am not thinking about you while thinking over the past year...

So I am ready for 2009, I want to make a lot more changes in my life and continue to grow in myself and in God. I always thought I knew exactly what I wanted out of life, but now I know that I really don't because I am not entirely sure who I am. I know the base of me, but I need to figure out what is right for me in life so I can figure out what I want and need.

So here's to 2008 and a new start in 2009... I know so cliche!

busy busy

2008-12-03T07:43:00.000-08:00

So it's been a crazy week with the holidays and work and shopping and just life in general.
I had a great Thanksgiving, although I usually do enjoy the holidays! My family, like everyones, can be a little crazy, but we're all pretty close so I enjoy getting together with them. Makes you realize just how important family really is.
I got the majority of my Christmas shopping done, which was fun and a relief. I never have "too" much to do, but I like getting it done all at once and so far I haven't had any run ins with the crazies who go nuts over black Friday shopping!
I ended up working a lot over my mini break, which isn't necessarily fun, but the money is always nice so I can't complain too much..
I watched a friend get married in a beautiful ceremony and church and may have had a little too much wine at the reception, but that's what receptions are for LOL.
I topped the weekend off by going to church Sunday, I wasn't a huge fan of the service, which is a change for the last few ones I have been to. The guy giving the sermon was a guest at the church and he made his point, but dug it into the ground a little and I felt more like I was sitting in a lecture hall than in church.
The main point he made was one that made me think though. The message was "Guard your Heart" I believe he said that the heart is spoken about over 1000 times in the bible and how so many things effect us emotional that we need to protect our hearts and really make sure about things before doing them. Everything we witness can effect our hearts even if we don't realize it. I'm one of those people who wears her heart on her sleeve and takes a lot of things to heart. I believe easily, fall easily, am easily happy and easily sad. That's right an emotional nutcase :-) It gets me hurt sometimes and makes me learn about life a lot, but in the long run we have to watch what we let into our hearts, because sometimes you can't always mend a broken heart.
He also really talked about porn a lot, which threw me off. I have never been in a church were they go on and on about how much of a sin it is. I think he would have been fine mentioning it, but instead he kept going on and on about it, so I dunno, little thrown off there. I understood his point, but I dunno, strange.
I guess the fact that the main message got me thinking is the point, it gave me something to write about and ponder, and I am starting to realize that that's what it's all about. By attending these services I am able to think about the messages and about what God is capable or doing and what he expects of us. I am able to spread his word, even if it's just here and there.

So anyways... that was my week, I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to be non-stop between holidays, work, family, and friends.

Open Doors

2008-11-24T07:02:00.000-08:00

Being a christain allows us to open doors. I am not a preachy person, but I like to talk about religion, at least on some level, which is why I write these blogs.. especially since I started going to church regularly. God wants us to take advantage of open doors, to talk about him and Christinaty and opportunities to help others. Going to church is great and all, but only the people who attend get to hear the message. For a long time I was a "holiday church goer" I just made sure I attended on all the major Holidays and I would show face a few other times a year. My faith never changed, but I wasn't in touch with what church could really do for you, until I started attending the two churched I currently attend. I am taking baby-steps about getting involved, but the ultimate goal is to be more dedicated to God and helping those who need my help. Which is where the opening of doors that my brother spoke about yesterday comes into play.
God wants his word to be spread, and since I am not preachy I have found other outlets to talk about stuff I may not normally talk about. I can share my beliefs with people and let them get to know me better, but I am not forcing it on anyone. If they want to read my blogs here they are.
God has so much love for us and will allow us to put everything on him, which I have said in probably every blog I have written. We just have to want to. He will take our burdens if we let him.
We have been working in the book of revelations the last few weeks visiting various cities and this week we looked at Philidipha, in Turkey, and the city was hit by earthquakes for 4 years straight, pretty much hourly. Jesus told the people he would protect them he would help them if they just believed and followed him. He never said he would stop the earthquakes, but assured the people that if they had a little faith he would get them thru it.
That's how christinaty works. God won't take the bad away, but he will help us deal with it. He will make sure that we are never alone. He will walk by our side as long as we allow him to and we believe and follow.
It's not always easy to be a christian, to follow the rules, to believe in something we can't see, and to trust that "somthing" with everything that's important to us. To live life how he wants us to live it and to follow a book that goes back way before our time. But that's what it's all about. Life isn't easy there are bumps in everyones road, and that's why we need to believe.

Another point in yesterdays service was about how connected we are these days. We have all these websites, phones, and lines of communication. But even with all that people are getting more and more lonely. These lines of communication have allowed us to know what everyone is up to without ever actually talking to them. It also allows us all to gain stocker abalities, which probably isn't a good thing ;-) But seriously, it's sad you know what everyone in your life is doing, but you never have the face to face, you never get the personal contact, and you almost lose the companionship. Don't get me wrong, everyone who knows me knows I am on these sites all the time. I am not knocking them for one minute, but it's still a little sad that these take over as our form of communication.
It seems like people will text, check myspace, or facebook instead of having the face to face conversation.
But the good thing in all this is that no matter how lonely we get, we are never really alone, we still have God to turn to. He will be there no matter what, as long as we let him. He can help us get thru that loneliness, the hurt, the heartache. What ever is bothering us we have to realize we can turn to God and he is beggining us to.

So there are my thoughts and opinions and a little stolen information that I heard at church yesterday. It's really amazing how much a passionate person can make you think about stuff that you may look over in every day life and how they can take stories that happen son long ago and relate it to today. Times and people may change on the outside, but on the inside not as much.

Acceptance

2008-11-18T06:02:00.000-08:00

Acceptance –noun 1. the act of taking or receiving something offered. 2. favorable reception; approval; favor. 3. the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory. 4. the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable.

I have found that I do not accept things that I don't want to hear. I try to hang onto my idea of what I want it to be. I have an idea and image of how things should be and if they aren't the way I picture them, I ignore what's right in front of my face. But I am finally realizing, or accepting if you will, that it is what it is.
I can't change things, I have no power in that area. I ask myself and God why it is the way that it is, and I am still waiting for that answer, but I know it will come when he is ready to give it, or maybe when I am ready to listen to it.

I am not always a big fan of change, I like my little world to stay the way it is. Every time I try to change something in my life it just doesn't seem to work out very well for me. Probably because it takes me a while to adjust. There are some changes I welcome and others that I would prefer never happen, but I guess that's common.

My problems and worries are typically so insignificant, but they roll around inside me and I dwell on them, making them worse then they are. It's sort of annoying. When I look at the big picture, does it really matter. What's the point in worrying about yesterday when it's today?

I am good at giving advice and relating to people's problems and insecurities, but when it comes to my own, I cry like a baby and want to crawl into a corner. Why is it so easy to give people advice and help, but not take it and listen to it myself.

Oh the questions we probably all ask ourselves.

So I am working on acceptance and taking things as they are. This doesn't mean I will accept everything that is given to me, it's just not always my nature. But I will work on it. Especially when it's strait forward in black and white.

Putting the Pieces Together

2008-11-03T08:50:00.000-08:00

So I like to talk and for me Blogging is a form of talking. I really like to blog about the things that I hear in church (as most of you have probably noticed) This week I went to Christ Church at Mason, like I said last week I will probably rotate between this church and my brothers. Both just offer such a great message so I figure why not right.
So I started to blog earlier about church yesterday and I was at a loss of words. Yesteday during the service I had so much that I could have written about, but because of a busy scheudle I never got around to it (and the internet was down, so I figured I wait til today.) Well When I started to write I just couldn't put what I wanted to say into words and then I got an email from a friend and it triggered what I was thinking about. The email was about Psalm 55:22. It had a story that went with it, but here is the verse. Psalms 55:22 'Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.'
This could have been one of the verses used yesterday and if not it fits. Yesterday the service was speaking about how people get frustrated and angry and have thoughts and feelings and they keep them inside, but why do that when you can cast them to God. He is there for us to vent to. If we give him our problems he will carry them for us, he will help us get thru them and help us deal with him. We may not actually see the results right away, but in time the issue gets resolved and if your a believer you know it was resolved because you put faith in God.
There are so many sides to God and what he can and will do for us. We have to be patient, look how patient he is with us. It sort of goes back to what I was talking about last week I think.
I am a true venter, a lot of you know that :-) I pretty much vent to anyone who will listen and believe me that includes God. I get frustrated and I have to go somewhere with it. I am not very good at keeping things bottled up. When I am hurt, upset, happy, overjoyed, everyone knows about it.
God doesn't expect us to carry all of our own baggage, he wants us to confide in him with everything. He wants to carry it for us and help us get thru the tough times and even when it doesn't seem like he is there he is. It could be as complex as a losing someone in your family or something as simple as having a bad day. It doesn't matter how big or small our issues are God is there for us to help bring peace into our lives.
God expects a lot from us and he expects us to expect a lot from him. He is always going to forgive us and be there for us, but we have to let him. If we want peace in our lives we need God in our lives it's that simple. We may not see results right this second, but it's coming. I believe I say it a lot, but the good things in life are worth waiting for and everything happens for a reason. So if your simply frustrated with the bad driver on the road or your angry because you love has left for some reason give the feelings to God, he doesn't expect us to do it alone. When you feel all the pressure give it to God, he wants to be there for us, we have to left him. It's a give and take relationship and God does both so he expects the same from us... at least that's how I look at it.

Perfection

2008-10-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday and I made it to church again... I'm getting better at going more often and I discovered that if I had liked the pastor and the message when I was young I would have never had a problem going to church, the getting up early on a Sunday isn't fun, but if you find a good pastor and a good group then you can really get something out of church. I have decided I will be splitting my church time between two churches. The last few blogs I have done about church referred to Mason Church of Christ, which I really like, they always have a good touching message. But My brothers new church is in full swing and they really know how to make the message hit home.
Today Jason did the sermon and he spoke about Revelations Vs 2 8 - 11 I believe. See he does such a good job because he relates it to life (and I may be bias, although I don't think I am) but he always speaks about things that I relate to. Today it was about how God does have a "wrath" I don't think he used that word, but I will. God gets pissed at us, he wants us to be perfect, so he punishes us when we do things that aren't right, he watches over us as we do things that are wrong... but he has too, to make us believe and follow and he will always leads us to the right path, it just sometimes takes detours. There are times when I have to ask why are you doing this to me, why are things like this happening and why can't my life go the way I want it to go. It's because God has a plan for me and it may be different then what I want it to be. He sometimes has to show us the painful things to get us to where he needs and wants us to be. We are sinners, we do bad things and God is trying to show us the right way so sometimes he has to take the long route to get us where were going, so that we have a reason to have faith and believe. If we have faith and believe we'll always get to the place we are meant to be. All of us are going to have times in our lives where we ask why and wonder why it is the way it is. But God does have a point. He knows we aren't perfect, but he wants us to be, so he trys to get us as close to that as possible. It's out jobs to let him and try to live life the best we can, which means trusting him. It's hard sometimes, but who ever said it was supposed to be easy?
We are all going to be challenged every day in our lives and it's time to take the challenge.. he knows we'll mess up, but he'll keep challenging us along the way and when we make the wrong decision he will lead us back to the right path, but we have to learn. So sometimes we're going to get depressed and lonely, and so far down we won't think things will ever change, but that's when it will all come clear and things will start going in the right direction. It's all about having faith and believing. Even the most faithful people have doubts about things in their lives, but that doesn't mean they stop believing. God expects us to have questions, if we didn't how would he ever show us what he wants us to see?
I am no where near where I need to be. I have times of loneliness, depression, and despair and my life is pretty easy and simple, but I still ask questions. I am still waiting and letting God take me where I need to go and it's an on-going process, no matter how "good" we think we are we'll never be perfect so we have to turn to God to get as close to perfect as we can. I make so many mistakes, but I know that no matter what I do God will always love me and lead me, he may let me do stupid things, but in the long run it will teach me and has in so many ways already. Every situation I go thru I have taken something from it and have applied the lesson to life, trying to become a better person. And I will continue to make mistakes and continue to learn and continue to grow.
Sometimes people you are close with are hard on you because they think you can always improve and be better, they push you to do your best and sometimes they come across in a negative way, but they really mean well. Well God is that ultimate someone. He is going to push us harder then anyone or anything we will ever know. He is going to show us the good, the bad, and the ugly to get us to where we need to be. So when times are hard just look at it as a growing experience and put your faith in God because he knows what he is doing. We will get hurt along the way, we'll suffer, we may even lose faith, but God is always right there to pull you back, you just have to be willing to let him. Bad things happen to good people all the time. He'll test us so be prepared to let him. It won't be easy, but when things in life are easy we tend to get bored.. so bring on the challenge!

I try to convey what the messages from church means to me and sometimes I am way off and sometimes I am right on, but lately what is being said really hits close! I am wondering if it's because I am getting older and I am realizing how important church is or if it really is just the person speaking. I think it's a combination of both, but how the message is delivered makes such a huge difference. If your interested in listening to the sermon they are on Podcast on ITunes, I'm not sure what it's under, but the name of my brothers church is Legend Community Church... They are small and just getting started, but the messages they are talking about really can hit home if you listen!

Nosey vs Interested

2008-10-20T07:52:00.001-07:00

I am starting to think I am too open and expect others to be the same. I don't keep a lot of stuff in and I often refer to myself as an open book. I don't necessarily see anything wrong with that. I look at it as, what's the point in hiding things. Most things aren't that important that no one else can know (sometimes things are better left unsaid, but, for me, 9/10 times not so much). My issue is that not everyone else looks at it that way. A lot of people feel like they have to keep things to themselves even the stupid every day stuff.
I keep feeling like I come across as nosey or annoying, which sucks because I am really just caring and interested. For example when I ask someone how they are or how their day is, it's because I care not because I am trying to get random information. Like I really care about how your day went and what you did, if I didn't most likely I wouldn't ask. Or lets say I am with someone and they get a phone call, I'll say "oh, who was that" and it's not a nosey thing, it's a conversation thing. And I don't ask people this often, there are times when this is appropriate and inappropriate... otherwise it would just be a nosey thing.
Maybe most people really don't care and are just asking to be polite or even nosey.. I guess sometimes people just ask to ask and maybe I do that sometimes too, but for people I am close to or interested in I really am being friendly and really do care to know.
As I've said a million times I am a people pleaser and I am easy to please. I am a go-with-the-flow kind of girl which can also look like a push over, which I will also admit I can be. But what sucks is when I put myself out there and people mis-inturpet who I really am. Maybe I come on too strong or maybe I make myself too available and maybe that's my problem... I dunno... Just something I keep thinking about.
The question is should I just stop asking and caring just stop telling people about me and keeping everyone at an arms length... lol knowing me that will never happen. Maybe I should just back down a step, if people want me to know something they can tell me, no need for me to ask. (except for the people I know are like me and who like to share or like to asked(-:...)
hmmm... I dunno just something on my mind, that leads to other thoughts for another day...

just updating

2008-10-08T10:55:00.000-07:00

So the past few weeks have been filled with busi-ness which is weird because I am usually looking for something to do, but the past few weeks it seems to be finding me. I bought a car, saw my brother start a church, got a 3rd job, keeping up with work and working out,spending time with my niece and nephews, and making sure I still have a life. It may not sound like a lot, but it seems like I am always on the run, but I won't complain.. I'll just get used to a little less sleep and thank God I have DVR :-)

The biggest thing was the new car, which I am so excited about! It's a Ford Escape 2008, new... I finally got rid of the yellow caviler, which is almost sad.. It was the first car I bought on my own and it was COMPLETELY paid off, but I think I was/am ready for a mature less yellow car, not sure how ready I am for the payments, but it'll be good.

The Irish pub, Dingle House, is finally opening for all of you who know about it. I am going to be helping out there Wednesday and Friday nights(serving), so feel free to come up and see us, try some beer and/or food. I think we have like 65 bottles and like 20 on tap so it will be a lot of new things for everyone to try... and the food is so good! Plus u should see our uniforms!
It's been a long haul for a few of my friends who own it, but the pub is so cool looking and I am excited about serving again (which I NEVER thought I would say) I guess it's different when your working for friends and have seen their idea turn into reality.
So here goes, Friday marks the day I start my THIRD job, am I crazy or just bored... hmmm... There's something to think about.. I guess if it's boredom it won't last much longer!!

Oh and on a completely different note, my brother in law has a scan of his tumor a few weeks ago and it has shrunk a siginifant amount! Which is such good news!!! He has 3 chemo treatments left and then like a month of radiation... everyone keep your fingers crossed on that!!

So a quick overview/update for anyone who wanted to know:)

Recap

2008-09-19T07:02:00.000-07:00

What a week it has been! It's sort of crazy to go without electric, it really makes u appericiate the small things that are typically taken for granted! And it really makes you feel for the states/people who REALLY got hit by the hurricane! I personally only went without, at home, for two days, so I guess I was on the good end of it, but I know people who still don't have it out. And it say the least it's a pain.

On a positive note, it did extend my vacation for a day and 1/2 so I won't complain too much, I love the people I work with but it was nice having the extra time off! And now it's back to reality!

We have been back to work for 3 days and it's just been a strange week, I am completely out of my routine (for 2 weeks now) and I am not one who enjoys being out of her routine!

I participated in Light The Night last night and the walk went very well! I was excited Jen and Dan got to come, since it directly affects them. I raised $400 for it and I was really excited about that! Thanks to everyone who helped!! Jen and I have already decided we are going to have our own team next year, find some sponsers, get some team shirts.. so I guess that's a forwarning for next year :-)
The speakers last night were moving, especilly the grandpa, his granddaughter is currently in remission, she is 4. It's just so crazy to see these little kids with cancer, after seeing what my brother in law has gone thru it makes me wonder how they handle it being so young.
I just have so much respect for everyone who has dealt with this illness/disease! It just completely wipes you out and so many people are affected by it! It felt good to be able to help out even if it was just a little bit. We're hoping next year we can do even more!!

So here we are back to another weekend... man do the weeks fly by!

1st Vacation in 2 years

2008-09-09T15:05:00.000-07:00

So I haven't taken a real vacation since I started at Flexstaff... UNTIL NOW... The first 2 years I was there I have just taken long weekends so I decided it was time to take some time off!! I am not going anywhere and u know it's refreshing!! I kept thinking to myself what am I going to do with 9 days to myself!!
So far I have gone to a Reds game, gone shopping, slept, gone to the zoo, changed my hair, caught up with old friends, hung out with family and friends... and it's only Tuesday. My house should be spotless by Sunday night, but I won't promise that, it will at least be straightened! But I am enjoying it. I know come Monday I will be like seriously, is it over, but I am enjoying the chill relaxing time I have!
Who said you need to go somewhere for a vacation. I guess for the past 2 years I thought that so I just never really took much time. But we all need a little break now and again, even when the job isn't all that hard! So here I am sitting with my dog thinking about a glass of wine and figuring what the hell... I don't have to work tomorrow WHY NOT!!! (any of u who are reading this and know me, understand that I typically don't drink during the work week, so a glass of wine on a "work night" would be a change for me!!)

So heres to the rest of my vacation (and hopefully i will be taking a few more long weekends in the next few months!)

Song Lyrics

2008-09-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

I always hear these songs and they hit way to close to home, so I figured I would post the lyrics... and u'll see what I mean (any of u that really know me that is)I may have taken out a line that doesn't fit, but the rest is all too real LOL...

"Where I Stood" - Missy Higgins

I don't know what I've done Or if I like what I've begun But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's ALL or NONE

There were sounds in my head Little voices whispering That I should go and this should end Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you All I know is that I should And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you All I know is that I should

See I thought love was black and white That it was wrong or it was right But you ain't leaving without a fight And I think I am just as torn inside

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you This is what I have to do

I could do this to like 8/10 songs that I hear, find the meaning(at least how I hear it) and how they relate to me(in my opinion), but I guess that's what music is all about! :-)

Lots of thoughts

2008-09-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

So I have come to the conclusion that I love too much and I forgive to easily. I am one of these people who wears her heart of her sleeve, I will tell everyone pretty much anything they want to know about me and I am a very giving person. I have spent 95% of my life trying to make everyone else happy. I am a true people pleaser and I have a tendency to put everyone else's needs over my own. It's just who I am and how I work. I am not complaining about it, it is what it is. The problem is some people take advantage of it, sometimes without even knowing their doing so(at least I let myself think that). The funny thing is I know they are doing it, but I let them. I just want all the people that I care about to be happy, it's in turn what makes me happy. But every now and again, it knocks me in the head, because when will things start to go the way I have always dreamed they would go. I am a fairly patient person (at least when it comes to some things) and I don't really "expect" anything from anyone, but sometimes I just wonder when it will be my turn.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not whining here, I have been blessed with great things in my life and I wouldn't change my life (at least most parts of it) But every now and again I want it to be my turn. As I write that I think, gees Mel, u sound selfish.
I've always told myself if you are upfront and honest with people, love with all your heart, are there for all the people that matter, then it will pay off in the end. You will have contributed to the happiness of everyone you love, you will have made a difference. But do I make a difference or am I just that push over that people end up feeling sorry for. And if I am that push over am I willing to just deal with that, because I made that decision somewhere along the line. I am not always a push over but I to those who are close to me I tend to be! UGH...
So do I deal with it and not change or do just change and wipe the slate clean and pull myself out of the push over status I've given myself... hmmm something to think about!

Mr Leo

2008-08-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

So My nephew turned one last week and my brother and sister in law had his HUGE birthday party this weekend. The little guy just amazes me, he came to us last year about 8 weeks early and wasn't quite ready to come out. He was in the hospital until almost his original due date. So to see him now running around and getting into things is just great!
I call him a little guy, but he is quite a chunk (which will probably go away now that he can walk) but he is all the cuter for it! Gotta love a little baby fat when they are that young :-)
My older brother does these amazing videos for him, which are on various website and he tracks Leo's first year. My sister in law needs props for the scrapbooks she put together because those too are great! (It must be a family thing, the scrapbooks because my sister and myself also spend a lot of time making excellent scrapbooks, when there is time).
But I look at my nephews and my niece and I think how great it will be when they are older and can look back and see how much love they have in their family. All of us want to do so much for them and everyone knows they love looking back and seeing how things were when they were little.
So anyways just wanted to give a birthday shoutout to Leo and give some props for the birthday party.
I have to admit my siblings do know how to throw parties for their little ones. They both have had partys with like 70+ people and their kids are all under 3 LOL. I don't even know enough people to have parties like that and I'm 25... hmmm maybe that's a sad reality haha.

Caleb The Faithful

2008-08-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

So I am currently getting better about going to church, I have been randomly going with my sister and brother in law for the past few months and I have made it the last two Sundays, my problem is getting up early and making it there, but when I go I always get so much out of it.

It's sort of refreshing to go to church and really feel the message hit home and see how it relates to every day life and people. I grew up in a church that was a little more traditional and that's great for some people but for me I can't focus. So since I started going to christ church at mason I just really can take something out of it.

Yesterdays service was speaking about doing things wholeheartedly and having/being faitful. We tend to do things when we want too and when they are convienent for us. That's how society is and we are all a product of that. Not to say it makes anyone a bad person, but I don't think it's how God really intended for it to be.

The service was about Caleb, who had been made a promise by God to recieve land, Caleb waited for 45 years to recieve it and he was never impatient or angry that he hadn't received it earlier, he was just gratedul that he got it at all. He was completely 100% devoted to God and he knew if God promised it to him he would receive it. He had all his faith in God and that never changed. How many people can truely say that. How many of us are willing to wait 45 years to get something. In todays society I don't think many of us are willing to do that. We want everything yesterday, I know I am like that more often then not. The other amazing thing about Caleb is that after waiting all this time for this land and gifts from God he gave the best part of it to his daughter, just because she asked for it. He was a person that lived for everyone else, at least thats how it appears to me, from the bits of scripture I heard. But could you imagine how self fulfilling that could be, to do so much for God and the people you love. To wait your whole life for something just to give it away. To be so full of faith that the wait doesn't matter.
I do try to put all my faith into God and to wait and see what my life will bring and it's hard. I am like everyone else, I want to know what's going to happen now, I want things now. But the wait can make things more gratifying. The good things in life are worth waiting for and if you truely do put your faith in God you will be rewarded for it (even if you have to wait).

I take these sermons and talk about what I think, everyone probably gets a different message (along the same lines) but they always make me want to be a better person and that's easier said then done, but who said things we're supposed to be easy. It takes work and in the end it will be worth it.

Light The Night

2008-08-08T05:55:00.000-07:00

So I am walking for a fun-raiser for cancer, in honor of my brother in law, in September. Light The Night is the fund raiser, I believe they have two walks and I am doing the one at Sawyer Point in Cincinnati. I have a donation page listed below if there is anyone who would like to pledge, I also have the email I sent out to friends and family to get donations for the cause. I am encouraging people to walk or donate because it's a great cause. So many people are affected by cancer.
I help out as much as I can with Jen (my sister), Danny (my brother in law) and Julia & Matthew (my niece-2 1/2 and nephew - 4 weeks). This is such a rough time on them, Danny's chemo treatments are every other Thursday and it pretty much wipes him out. It's starting to take it's toll on him, he is tired most of the time and sick to his stomach. He is still working 40 to 50 hours a week and trying to help out as much as he can with the babies. I can only help them out at home so much, so I figure if I am able to raise money for the cancer he has then I will be helping him and everyone else who is affected just a little more.
If anyone is interested in helping out just go to the website below and sign up or make a donation. It really is for a good cause!

The Email:
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnCincin/2392_mwilcoxon

I have a fundraising sight for anyone who is interested in making a donation. Every little bit helps. My goal is small because I would like to exceed it. If you are interested in making a donation just go to the link above and pledge what you can. If you would like to sign up and start your own fund raising go to:
http://teams.lightthenight.org/CintasAccounting
click on the Cintas link, go to the 3rd line down, Lisa Yerian and join the team. I am walking in Honor of my brother in law.

Feel free to send this email out to friends and family!

Current Work and what I would rather be doing

2008-07-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

So I keep thinking maybe I should have gone into education or photography while I was in college instead of communication. My job isn't bad, but it isn't something I want to do for the rest of my life. I stay because I love my co-workers. In my office there are only 3 of us, me, another recruiter, and our boss. His dad is in semi-retirement and when that happens my boss will take over the company. The two people I work with are two of my best friends, because lets face it I see them more then I see anyone else and it's such a small company that things tend to be very casual and laid back. They are the reason I stay here.

My whole life I wanted to be a teacher or photographer, I took photography classes in both high school and college and anyone who knows me knows I am obsessed with my pictures. But for some reason I can't bring myself to try and turn the hobby into a career, I'm young so I keep saying maybe some day! I keep looking into teaching, but for some reason can't get myself to go for it. I even consider day care. I love kids, teaching has about the best hours, but I just don't want to go back to school and I'm not sure if I have the confidence for it. I have confidence, but since that's a new territory I'm just unsure.

So I stay where I am because of my co-workers and my job is cake, but I would like something a little more challenging and with opportunity for growth. Hmmm... I guess we'll see what happens!

The New Baby

2008-07-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

So my nephew was born yesterday at 3:44pm, weighing 8lbs 12oz, my sister was supposed to be induced on the 3rd, but the hospital was too busy, so she went in on the 6th instead, he was a little over a week early and thank goodness she went when she did, my sister is a small person and that's a big boy!! His name is Matthew Clyne. His big sister Julia isn't quite sure what to think, but she'll get used to the idea of little brother, since he isn't going anywhere she'll have too.

It was a REALLY busy weekend, but good things came out of it!

June

2008-07-01T08:45:00.001-07:00

So June has been busy! Has a few grad parties to attend, a work outting thrown in the mix, time to help out with the family when needed, turned 25, and planned a few weddings.
So the birthday, BIG 25 went well, I don't feel any different, but I never have felt my age. Age is just a number anyways, it's all about how you feel, and hopefully that's not old :-)
I planned two weddings last week and let me tell you that was CRAZY!!! The first wedding was on a Thursday, which threw me off, thank goodness my boss let me take off when I needed to for those. The Thursday wedding had about 50 guest, there were 5 bridesmaids, 3 groomsmen, and a flowergirl and ringbear. It went well, but leading up to it was like pulling teeth, I just do the ceremony part, typically, but it takes more planning then you think. It can get a little stressful, but it's usually pretty fun.
The Saturday wedding was HUGE, one of the pastor's called it a galla and that fits! There were between 250 and 350 guests, 350 were invited, I didn't count to see how many showed. There were 11 groomsmen, 1/2 of which I knew, 7 bridemaids, two pastors, a bagpipe player, organist, soloist, and scripture readings. And it couldn't have gone smoother, I had my best friend assist me with the wedding, because with that many people I would have wanted to pull my hair out afterwords. We got an invite to the reception and it was probably one of the funnist(that's not a word) weddings I have been to, it was hot since the power was out, but they found a way to make the food and they found a way to get music. There was dancing and drinking and it was a helluva party!
I learned that wedding planners become popular among groomsmen and it becomes essential for the wedding planners to drink and have fun and that's just what we did! It took it's toll by the end of the night, but it was a heckofa way to end June.
This month way crazy and I am excited for July, hoping it is calmer and lighter, but I like to have fun, so bring it on!
I have an exciting few days ahead of me.. my 2nd nephew is going to make his appearence here in the next few days and I can't wait to meet him!!

Family Stuff

2008-06-17T07:55:00.000-07:00

So I don't know if I mentioned it in my last blog because I planned on posting some of my myspace blogs, but I'll just re-write or summarize some of them now.
My 27 year old brother in law was diagonised with cancer a few weeks ago and my sister is expecting her 2nd baby any day now. They already have a 2 1/2 year old, so when you add all these things together things tend to get a bit hectic.
My niece, their 2 1/2 year old, also the love of my life, ended up getting sick last week well it got bad the day her dad started chemo and so my sister (8 1/2 months along) sort of had a mini break down. So they think they have it controlled with my niece when my parents end up with it (they watch her every day) and then my sister comes down with it. The goal now is to get everyone well while not letting my brother in law catch it. So I tried to help as much as I could, only to find out Julia (my niece) still has it. It's been almost a week and 1/2 and she can't knock it. So the moral when it rains it pours!

So my sister is trying to care for a sick husband, a sick child, and make sure she stays well and not stressed for the baby. I try and help, but my niece decided yesterday that she doesn't want me around, because when i come around mommy and daddy get downtime which means time away from her and it's just too many changes for a 2 1/2 year old to go thru.
On a positive note Danny (my brother in law) has a hge supportative family, which has both positives and negatives and our family isn't small and again that's both positive and negative. But we're all willing to help and get them thru this. It's just a matter of not getting in the way and not stepping on toes.

We have put things in God's hands and we know he will give us the strength we need, it's just a matter of having a little patients :)

Introduction

2008-06-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

So I have decided I like to Blog, I do it on myspace all the time, but my older brother belongs to this site, so I decided to join it as well.
I am by no means a writer, but I do enjoy to write and what's the point if no one will read it. Actually I shouldn't say that, writing does help with venting, but for me I like people to hear what I have to talk about, even if it's completely pointless.
Sometimes I may even make a good point, say something that other people are thinking or maybe things that other people are feeling. I am very opinionated, although I don't speak my mind as often as I should. It seems to come out jumbled when I do and then I end up offending someone, which TYPICALLY isn't my intention.
So here goes, this one is just a short introduction, one of the pointless ones,, but here goes anyways!

I'll post some of the ones from myspace maybe and add some new ones!